Lately I've been making a lot of mental lists of things that I need to do. With two kids under the age of two I should probably be making physical lists...but I can't find my notebook (mental note - buy notebook). Knowing that I am going to be moving in a month makes things a little more stressful - and the lists more necessary. Unfortunately, most of the stuff on my list is still sitting there undone. It goes something like this:
Last night, after Jeremiah talked to housing about a move out date, it hit me. Approximately one month from now I will be headed for Wisconsin...husbandless. No matter how much I sweeten it with "I'm going to be spending the next year with family that I rarely get to see" it still hurts. Since I first heard the news that Jeremiah is deploying I've barely shed a tear. Some part of me has been refusing to face the reality that he's going to be gone.
But as our house has slowly emptied out of furniture that we have sold it's becoming harder and harder to ignore the obvious.
Last night it hit me full force. It felt like a physical hurt deep in my chest. And the tears came.
Watching my daughter snuggle with her daddy last night - grabbing a blanket and asking to "cuddle" then giving him kisses - makes it even harder. How do you explain to a two year old why Daddy isn't coming home? She is a total Daddy's girl and cries when he just leaves for work. He is her favorite play mate; her very best friend. She's going to be so lost without him for a whole year.
How do we fit a whole year's worth of family time into the month that we have left?
So here's my list for this weekend...
- Fold Laundry - Check
- Wash Laundry - Check...oh, wait... there's already another load???
- Fold More Laundry - how about just piling them on the chair for now?
Get Clothes out of dryer- (hmm, if I don't do that one I won't have to fold it!)- Pack things that I won't need before move - (but, I can't pack that because I might use it!)
- Sort through clothes to decide what to take and what to pack into storage - Or not
- List things we don't want to put in storage on Craigslist and Lewis Yard Sales - Check
- Make grocery list and two week meal plan - Check
- Call TriCare - that can definitely wait
- Set up 2 year appt for Ana - Check
- Talk to housing about leave date - Check
- Face Reality - Check (wait! I don't remember putting that on my list!)
Last night, after Jeremiah talked to housing about a move out date, it hit me. Approximately one month from now I will be headed for Wisconsin...husbandless. No matter how much I sweeten it with "I'm going to be spending the next year with family that I rarely get to see" it still hurts. Since I first heard the news that Jeremiah is deploying I've barely shed a tear. Some part of me has been refusing to face the reality that he's going to be gone.
But as our house has slowly emptied out of furniture that we have sold it's becoming harder and harder to ignore the obvious.
Last night it hit me full force. It felt like a physical hurt deep in my chest. And the tears came.
Watching my daughter snuggle with her daddy last night - grabbing a blanket and asking to "cuddle" then giving him kisses - makes it even harder. How do you explain to a two year old why Daddy isn't coming home? She is a total Daddy's girl and cries when he just leaves for work. He is her favorite play mate; her very best friend. She's going to be so lost without him for a whole year.
How do we fit a whole year's worth of family time into the month that we have left?
So here's my list for this weekend...
- Put off everything on my to-do list except for good quality family time - Check (especially if that means no laundry!!!!)
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| Daddy and the Diva playing under the blanket |
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| Our Family on Easter Sunday |
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| Trenton and Daddy! |
Katrina, I'm sorry you are hurting. I won't lie and say it gets easier with time, because it doesn't...but there is a light at the end of your tunnel. There will be an "other side of this deployment". Praying for ya girl!
ReplyDeleteP.S. That laundry is not going anywhere, it can wait; make memories with your family!
When I pray for you I have been specifically praying that God will allow you to make memories in this next month that you can carry with you for the next year. I love you, sis <3
ReplyDeleteFound you through Mrs. Mama Hens Monday thing. You have such a beautiful family! I understand about not having any actual emotional feelings before the deployment. I was somewhat numb before ours. And its hard to imagine but with those two precious babies you will definitely stay busy! Check out my blog
ReplyDeletehttp://soldiersweetpea.blogspot.com
I am an army spouse and am now at the tail end of our first deployment. I have three children and I too am a stay at home mom!
P.S. Following your SUPER CUTE blog! <3
Just found your site through MrsMamaHen. I'm another Army spouse, with a husband currently deployed to Afghanistan. The last month before deployment was much harder for me than most of the actual deployment - so much uncertainty, so many what-ifs, so many "lasts". The fun things we did together in that last month really stuck with me and keep me going. Prayers for you and your family - you can do it!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely the list can wait! Enjoy/soak up every single moment. This is one of the hardest parts of a deployment, there is almost a sense of.....relief? after it gets started when you have been anticipating it for so long. I also found you thru MrsMamaHen. We just got through our 2nd deployment, with 4 kiddos. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI want to recommend a neat tool that we used when stationed at FT Bliss, deploying over 2000 Cav troops.
ReplyDeleteI used to run a non-profit group that helped with deployment breifings and FRGs. It is no longer in operation, but you can do the same thing easily for your family.
We were able to get stuffable bears, much like the bears at Build a Bear. We then got recordable voice boxes. Each soldier was able to get a bear (or stuffed toy). They would then "build" the bear, record a message for loved ones (wives/kids/framily/friends) and leave the bear back home with the family members. It was a wonderful tool.
You can do the same thing online at Build A Bear. Or, another option is to get some of the stuffable bears you see at craft stores and even toy stores. Then, you can get the voice boxes (I actually just ordered new ones for my kids) on amazon. They had a set of 2 for $9.99 plus $5 shipping. HAve your hubby make one for each child, and one for you. Also, if you can, get some extra voice boxes in case the kids wear theirs out or break them.
My 4 kids love their "daddy bear" (or duck, or turtle, or monster...we have 4 different ones). They even cling to them for TDYs or just when Daddy has to work an overnight call shift. They are really worth the money.
When my brother in law deployed, my sister got one. It was such a comfort to her. When my other sister deployed, my mom got one...and it really comforted her as well.
If you really want them, but have trouble finding them, please email me. For some reason, I can't log onto google to post comments on your blog under my blogname, but it is www.queenofbrusselsprouts.blogspot.com. You can email me at prayersandpraise2002 at yahoo dot com.
I can't tell you how many soldiers and their families told me what a help the bears were to them as they dealt with the lonely hours (especially at night) of deployments.
Thank you, ladies for your support! My husband is on block leave right now so we've spent the week just enjoying being a family and haven't been on here much.
ReplyDelete@Kendra, we did get a Build a Bear for our daughter and we're doing one for our son for his birthday...we are also going to do the record-able books. I LOVE the idea of having my own Build-a-Bear with my husband's voice. When he was in Basic I used to call his phone just to listen to his voicemail. Maybe that can be my anniversary present :)